Friday, August 31, 2007

Just Thinking About Les Mis...

We will finish Les Mis tonight. Today I have felt a little blue, and tired because I did not go to sleep until after 11pm. I was crying about Jean Valjean, and about my dad. I'm feeling hurt by Jean that he has given up life and seems to be sacrificing himself now that Cosette is married. But what has really bothered me is that he is not willing to be forgiving of himself for his sin of long ago. Granted Victor probably did not understand the power of the Atonement and repentance in the life of Jean Valjean, but the care Jean offered to Cosette I think is like his repentance and the care he gave to others in need as well. As we read the pages leading up to his death I was also crying because I was feeling that my own dad has turned away from repentance and the blessings that come in the wake of forgiveness from God and forgiveness towards yourself by yourself. Both my dad and Jean are making things harder for themselves and punishing themselves unnecessarily. Yes Cosette has forgotten her father for a number of days, and I have forgotten my dad to at times as too. It's sometimes easier to manage until something like this gets thrown in your face again.

How terrible life is for those who do not forgive others or themselves. It just pains me to think of men and women who have gone to jail and prison and are lost in the system and never learn or want to learn of a greater message and way of life through Jesus Christ. Or people I am sure who want to receive that second chance but never get it because of the record they carry, that yellow slip of paper. I am so thankful for the Atonement and the gift of repentance in my life. I have been forgiven much and I seek to forgive more. I am thankful for my husband who is a forgiving person. Goodness, if he was not forgiving he would not have married me.

What will happen tonight for Jean Valjean? I know he will die. I know there is some sort of gathering but I am not sure if it is forgiving for all involved. I was listening to the music from the musical this week, and I started to cry as Monsieur the Mayor was telling Fantine that he would care for Cosette and for she to be at peace. This musical has made the book more meaningful. Or maybe the book has filled in the gaps and made the music more heavenly to me I don't know which but I can't think of the story without hearing and feeling the music.

Les Mis comes with personal pain for me now. I will probably have a good cry tonight to release the pain I feel with my lack of a connection with my own dad. And then I will smile and be at peace because I know and have a testimony of the great Plan of Salvation. Peace & Security not Stress & Hopelessness.

-Good night

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