Sunday, August 24, 2008

Part A...In The First Place...

A week has gone bye. And I feel weak and feeble minded. Pity, considering how much I have been reading. Twice I've read John Winthrop's A Model of Christian Charity, forge ahead with Roots of American Order, read Conservative Purpose of a Liberal Education by Kirk who is the author of Roots of American Order, State of the World; August article by Oliver DeMille, two chapters of Figures of Speech, and finished first chapter of English Words; from Greek and Latin Roots, followed through on the first chapter of Christian Latina and lastly I wanted to read the introduction found in Noah Webster's 1828 dictionary which I began.

And what do I have to show for all of this?

Nothing really. It was all very interesting while I was reading but can I articulate in the English language or another language what it meant to me? NO!! I am up against a 10 foot brick wall when it comes to trying to say what I learned. Did I even learn? I thought I was. But try to tell someone else and my mouth is shut up with inability.

Do you see what is missing in this group of readings? Although I turned to the book of Proverbs while reading the Winthrop paper and found Chapter 31 verses 10-31 more rewarding then ever in my life before. It was my only scripture study this past week. Granted I went to the temple Tuesday morning which I count as spiritual study. I have fallen in my spiritual learning which I think has in turn affected my secular studies.

I allow myself to stumble off my personal schedule often for no reason and often when extended family come to visit(third set of family here now). While at church this morning, the personal epiphany light came on and I beheld what I'm doing wrong.

If I am desirous for secular learning; I'm talking about Liberal Arts education here. I need spiritual feeding for my spiritual well first. Now I already know this! Knowing and doing are two different choices.

The sense of great expectations that I felt two weeks ago is all but extinguished. Not lost mind you. I know it can be gained again after I make amends with my God for the neglect I chose to exercise at my own expense.

Here are a few points mentioned during Sacrament Meeting in regards to the influence of the Spirit or the lack of spiritual guidance which spoke to my personal situation:

1.You fell happy and calm. You fell unhappy, depressed, frustrated, confused.
2.Your mind is clear. Your mind is muddled.
3.Your bosom burns with love for the Lord and for others. You feel empty, hollow, cold inside.
4.You feel confident with what you do. You become discouraged easily.
5.You feel like praying and reading the scriptures. You don't want to pray or read scriptures.

I could go on with this list. I think you get the picture. Neglect of my spiritual being leads me quickly to my own level of despair.

Somewhere in the Anne of Green Gables series, Mirilla Cuthbert says something to the effect that there's always tomorrow coming clean and fresh.

I'm looking forward to tomorrow morning...

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