Last night I attended my first class (St101A) through GWU. I wasn't excited, I wasn't nervous. I went not knowing what to expect or even if I was prepared.
Attending this type of liberal arts focused university is not a "normal" experience. I am programed for sitting down and being lectured at with occasional questions extended to the students. Last nights encounter was based upon our reactions to the reading of The 5,000 Year Leap; what principles influenced or moved us.
In the beginning we had to divide into groups of 4 and where given one minute to prepare a teaching principle. We were then given one minute to present that point. I thought I was going to totally freeze up.
Just prior Dr. Schulthies spoke about listening. How our minds are either in the past, present , or future. It's easy to be thinking about what you are going to say next and really not be there in the present listening to what is being said. You end up not connecting via listening when you let your mind go else where. When we went into these groups I wanted to find my point before the first person started talking in order to be mentally present.
I admit to you now that I am ashamed to say that my mind is often in the future when it needs to be here in the now with my child talking to me. This principle, although not in the book was taught to me last night.
Anyway, I said my one minute point, well almost said 1/4 of my point. It's hard to think and present in such a crunch of time. I wasn't always sure what everyone meant. We are at different levels of education some having read more then others.
I also learned this morning that I did not understand what it meant when I said I'd give 100 percent of myself for this learning experience. What is 100% anyway? Compared to what or who.
I tell you I was hit with self doubting this morning I started to cry. Am I kidding myself. Can I related or experience epiphanies while trying to understand and gain meaning for me from the selected reading from the O.T. and John Winthrop?
I don't know. All I can do is try. Actually it more then try. I can pray for an open mind to what God would have me to learn. I can exercise my faith.
I yelled out last night, NO! when the question of memorizing the 28 principles of freedom from the 5,000 Year Leap book was suggested by our mentor. What is the deal with that?! I felt so hostile towards the idea of having to memorize. This sound so elementary to me. What is this fear or better I feel like it's a steel wall crashing down in front of me when ever I thought of having to memorize these points. I don't want to feel this way. Education requires hard work and memorizing is part of that work. I prayed in my mind a lot this morning.
As we left just after 9am for the State Fair, I decided to take my copy of the 28 principles. And as I entered the roundabout to go westbound I felt a change in my mind and my steel wall was lifted. I said to myself that I want to learn these fundamental principles of freedom. And really, this angry resentful feeling has now subsided. This is a spiritual blessing for me. I see this as God hearing my cry and wanting me to learn.
On the trip to and from SLC, I memorized 1,2,3,26,27,and28. Divine Nature, Virtue/Moral Strength, Elected Leaders, Core Unit, Debt/Subjugation, Manifest Destiny; these are my key trigger words.
The second principle that I was taught last night also did not come directly from the assigned reading. I had mentioned my theory which I posted yesterday, and then how de Tocqueville said in his Democracy in America that the family unit in 1830's was so organized, strong, and a desire to be with. Yet in Europe at that very time he said the disconnection of family had been going on for some time. I wondered if there was any connection to my thought process with the I.S.S. of 1905.
Dr. Schulthies didn't say yes, but he processed to read from the second vol. of de Tocqueville about the placement of man and women. I felt like I have never been told or rather understood and frankly I still don't understand the greatness it is to be called WOMAN. I learned that I and my daughters need to know this value. It's more then just saying you are a daughter of God. It's nice, but it's not fulfilling.
Epiphanies to explore: 1. Listening in the present and 2. Beautiful Womanhood.