Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Testing My Faith..

It's strange, I have not felt the mood to share. My emotions at times end up on a roller coaster that takes a while to come to a stop.

I wish I could type my thoughts without any judgment to me or my family being passed. Some things are just to private to talk openly about and so you are left standing there not sure what to do next.

That's not quite true either. I'm never left alone. Just this morning I shared with the kids that Jesus is here for us. I do believe this and felt supported yesterday. Support come after a time of testing. This time it took about one and a half days and then peace started to come. No solutions, just peace that I will come through as long as I remember John 14:18.

"I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you."

I was in Lehi yesterday and decided to stop off at the new Classic Books grand opening in Lehi. At the time I was not feeling comforted and probably should not have gone. So many nice women who welcomed me but I could not welcome myself and left quickly.

It seems that the ball game must go on...


Hammy said...

I have felt like that too at times. It is comforting to know we are not alone, but that doesn't make the present feelings less real. Hopefully all will be better soon.

Christina said...

I'm sorry you're having a tough time, Nickie. If it helps, we all have our own sorrows and times of testing. I've cried a dozen nights over the last month because of what my father is dealing with, and I've cried at other times because I just don't feel adequate for the work I've been given.

I think part of earth life is learning to deal with limitations, either our own or of those around us. Sometimes those we love most disappoint us, and sometimes we disappoint ourselves. Because we are mortal, we have problems and weaknesses. If others judge you for them, then that's to their shame, not yours.

I know I often feel inadequate and unable to accomplish the huge list of things I need to do on a daily basis (much less an eternal basis!) but if I never felt inadequate, there wouldn't be any need to turn to the Lord for help and strength.

You're beautiful and good, and I'm glad to call you a friend. Please let me know if I can help in any way.