Thursday, January 3, 2013

Being open-minded, willing to share, and honest

I find myself often having little personal fights within me almost on a daily bases. In the past I would just give in to the desire which most often involved the eating of some type of food in a secretive manner. And then last year during the spring season I told my husband that I am a closet eater and often run errands with the intent of stopping to eat something. I will not give the details of what I would eat but it wasn't healthy, low fat, or sugar free. So last spring I stopped eating or rather I would tell Gove if I did eat that way and soon I  found myself slowing down doing that type of binge eating.
Then some time in July, I don't recall how, where, or when exactly I came in contact with a program called Compulsive Eaters Anonymous-Honesty, Open Mindedness, Willingness. CEA-HOW is a 12 step program for people suffering with food addictions.
As I attended meetings last summer I was often angry that I would have to change my way of thinking and handling eating situations. Yet I kept attending and started to learn that the feelings and sufferings of an alcoholic are not much different for a person suffering from food. Sadly we need food to live and that might be the only difference. Anyway, I have been attending, living abstinent, slipping at times, and being blessed to release old baggage in the form of physical fat as well as emotional/spiritual fat. Still I find myself in days of rebelling but it's pretty much just in my mind and maybe my heart but doesn't go to my mouth anymore. Knock on wood here.
Once I obtained a sponsor and started using the meal plan and detoxing the first 30 days I was determined to never exercise. I just was not going to do that too along with abstaining. But somewhere after 12 weeks in the program and a release of about 18 pounds I decided I would try some stomach exercises. I turned to my friend Amber who has suggested Lindsay Brin's Momsintofitness.com website. I downloaded a number of short workouts and now, after 10ish weeks I have advanced from 24 minutes to 70 minutes of doing a variety of short workouts. I can see improvement to my poor lower abdomen that has suffered many surgeries and now I have hope that I, with the help of God can look forward to a healthy abdomen that I might not ever need abdominoplasty to repair.  
At times I just want to throw Cea-How out the window but then I look at my body and think about the sanity that has come into my life, the honesty about what I'm eating, and the reaching outs and writings that are beginning to take affect and change my thinking about myself and about others with their own addictions and I realize and say to myself that I can stay with this Cea-How program because I don't want to go back to where I was when I started.

Here are links for what I have mentioned if you are interested in changing and finding peace from food addictions. Plus I will post a link for Just For Today which we can all use and remind ourselves of when we have to press forward with difficult agendas and people.
Cea-How: http://www.ceahow.org/
Cea-How Utah: http://utahceahow.blogspot.com/p/meetings.html
Just For Today: http://www.ceahow.org/content/just-today
Lindsay Brin: http://www.momsintofitness.com/

There really is a way to let go and begin to let God direct your life. I am finding it through my addiction of overeating, compulsive eating, emotional eating and closet eating. You can find relief too through any number of 12 step programs. Twelve Step Programs are truly  blessings sent from a loving God.

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