Friday, April 12, 2013

So it's o.k.

     "Depressions are transition times for me," an older fellow stated. "I look at my lows as a preparation period, an inner time of growth and change even though I'm not consciously aware of what's going on inside me. But I didn't always think that way.
     "I used to get terrified when I got into one of those low periods. Every time I did, I questioned everything I ever believed in. I doubted myself and my abilities, my opinions and values, my friends and my (spouse). Nothing escaped my painful questioning. I thought for sure I was going insane. The pain was so unbearable, I wanted to (eat more) to distract me from my anguish.
     "Now, when I get low, I take it more in stride. I think of my depression as part of a natural cycle. Just as nature has its fall, winter, and spring; I, too, have a period of shedding old growth for new growth. I just endure my grey days knowing the sun will shine again-just as the trees will bloom after winter. As part of the natural world around me, I, too, have my seasons of joy and sorrow."
     Today I will remember that my lows are as natural as my highs. I will not become overwhelmed and exaggerate the significance of my depressions. I will endure patiently, knowing that whatever faces me will pass in time.

This quote comes from a little book called The Reflective Pond, page 105. I changed a few words to fit me and left out just a couple words to also fit me. I'm thankful to have come across this quote today. I've wondered at my feelings this afternoon. And now I can let my feelings have a place to be and know that shedding is occurring for me.

One idea that came to me today as I have given this entire day to reading the scriptures, writing, helping Tia with spelling and picking up Beth at Harmony is that I need to make amends to my husband. I realized I forgot a comment he once made to me and this morning I got caught up in my self-centered fear issues. I know these issues are going to come up again and probably again
and I hope that I can continue to make amends if they do and I fall short of the mark. That was a peaceful, hopeful thought for me today...making amends...

19 days ago I was blessed to have now released forty pounds of not just fat but also some form of emotional weight too. Not that I can pinpoint what those emotions are, it's more of a sense of feelings and hearing others tell me things seem different, more peaceful, happy.


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