Friday, August 29, 2014

thought for today...

When my sponsees call each morning, we start with the Serenity Pray which goes like this. 
"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."
I haven't thought this thought until this morning but might I see things I can't change as being a burden to me? Do I? Do my sponsees? I am thankful to realize that if I do see the things I can't change as a burden then I am changing my mind and heart and accepting what I can't change as an opportunity for my learning and willingness to be with greater humility in my daily life.  Will you?

Thursday, August 28, 2014

thanks twain...

"Dance like no one is watching. 
Sing like no one is listening. 
Love like you've never been hurt 
and live
 like it's heaven on Earth."
-Mark Twin


One thing I have going for me is the fact that I have always been willing. Willing to improve even when I keep stepping backwards. Willing to try again even when I hated having to try again. I want to be a disciple of Jesus Christ and I am and have been willing (though not wholeheartedly all the time) but willing nevertheless to become a changed and improved person. It's a very slow change that is taking place within. I wonder if perhaps God needs me to change slowly for others to have encounters with my weaknesses in order to help them with their own weaknesses? So it is and so be it. 
I experienced a change Tuesday night (when I was having feelings of deep disappointment of being stood-up by my spouse and disrespected by not receiving a call to let me know 1.5 hours later then when he said he would be home.) I laid in bed realizing that these feeling of hurt were not what I wanted to keep and that the feelings needed to be given names of emotions and that I wanted to speak with my husband about the hurt and how to communicate being late instead of ignoring me, when I took a deep breath and suddenly just like that the emotions lifted and I smiled and felt the negative weight in my chest lift and I instantly knew I could talk to my husband and care and love myself and say what I needed and hear what he needed without having emotions get in the way. 
For me, this was a gift and a miracle from God the it was a gift from the Godhead. I bet it took all 3 to help me. But however it came it did come and we communicated. I stood for myself in love and wanting to explain, he explained his side and I came away with greater understanding. Oh how I hope this can happen again to me.
I start taking an 8 week course in Mindfullness Based Stress Reduction next week. I have no idea what to expect except I am offering my morning to study, meditate, pray, read and be authentic as best I can as I learn these skills of peace, joy, and freedom.
After the open conversation with my husband Tuesday night I had a dream early Wednesday morning that involved a bear.  I have had a few dreams of being attacked or followed by bears and I have associated them with stress and trauma in my life. Well this dream was of a very large stuffed bear being used in a play of some type. And, at the end of the play, I found myself caught under the bear and I needed to get out and as I looked into the eyes and face of this bear I started to get scared but I told myself that the bear is dead and can not hurt me. I was able to remove myself out from under the dead beast and when I awoke I realized that this was a significant dream for me. First because of the communication of the night before, Second because I stayed calm and talked to myself that this stuffed bear was not able to get me, and thirdly that I am becoming a stronger daughter of God and I am less fearful, less stressed, and more open to love and light and truth. The bear is dead. It can no longer hurt me and I am stronger. STRONG. I love and like this word. I like it so much I have a necklace that says so.

Wednesday, August 27, 2014


"What can words do to me unless I take them to heart?"

-One Day At A Time...

Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Director Tom Shadyac - Happiness, Faith, & Jim Carrey

I Am Movie Trailer Official (HD)

meaningful, powerful, helpful, beautiful...I love recovery for all addictions! God is bigger....

"Today I am learning to play a new instrument-myself...I believe that my Higher Power wants me to be fully alive and fully aware of all my feelings...Today I will appreciate the full range of feelings available to me. They make my experience of life full indeed."

Courage to Change


I just did something I have not done since March. I stood in front of my mirror, raising my arms in a power pose and I repeated several Zig Ziglar affirmations. And you know what? It felt good and up lifting to say those words. I felt like I can believe them about me, that I am becoming and even more surprising was that I still remembered some of the words. I feel motivated at this moment in time. How wonderful to feel present in my life.

I'm also excited because I just listened to Elder Uchtdorf's talk from Sunday April 2013 General Conference on the subject of being in darkness and what we specifically need to do to feel helped by heavenly Father. I'm now going to take his counsel to heart and get asking.

Just for Today:   

"Have I ever accomplished anything good while my emotions were churning with hysteria? Am I aware that reacting on impulse-saying the first thing that pops into my head-defeats my own purposes?

Monday, August 18, 2014

“Some changes look negative on the surface but you will soon realize that space is being created in your life for something new to emerge.”

Eckhart Tolle

Sunday, August 3, 2014

Day 2 First planned stop

I and the girls arrived in Poulsbo, Washington late this afternoon. We checked into the Poulsbo Inn and then I decided to see if I could locate the little cottage that I lived in for one summer during my 6th year. I knew the cottage was near the water and that there was a curve to the right in the road that lead to the local shops. 43 years later and there it all was.   The little house is yellow...was it yellow then? I think it was white back then. It was interesting to see that the distance of the house in front is actually just a few feet from the cottage but in my mind it was much further.   As I came up to the house I kind of started to cry. This was a little part of my life after my parents divorced and I think after it was determined I would live with my dad. I now know why I gave my mother such a hard time as a 5 year old and what lead up to her thinking I would be better off with my dad.

Today's travel was just as enjoyable as our first day except I was able to get some sleep last night which gave me greater driving alertness.   I have also kept my ears open to my daughters. Mattia wanted me to listen to her LDS musical artists, which I did.  Bethany wants me to listen to the Long Patrol which I am also doing. Plus I wanted us to sing hymns and we have done this both days and this morning while we drove along the Columbia River on the Oregon side, we held a little testimony meeting. It was very enjoyable and helped me to feel greater thanks to God for his love and peace I am feeling doing this type of a trip. Plus I thought more about what my husband is doing by supporting me. For this I am truly grateful.

Why did I feel the need to come here? This is something for me to ponder and continue to seek guidance on.. Something to do with my childhood fears which I have brought into my adult life.