Saturday, September 13, 2014

Bitten...

by that black dog of negative thoughts yesterday and I'm trying to keep my head above the water today. Back stroking to the safety of the shore line. Prayer is what I'm needing yet prayer doesn't seem enough either at this moment so writing is what I do now.

I thought of an acronym for Love:
                                                          Letting
                                                         Out
                                                         Vulnerable
                                                         Emotions

I'm feeling emotional hard work ahead of me over this month and next as I prepare for a forgiveness retreat I will be attending in San Francisco in October. I think it is no coincidence that I am again struggling with the same steps I ran from in the spring of 2013 and now in preparation for this woman's retreat I need to do some detailed Step 8 work. I think I need to show love to myself and talk myself forward. I am really a nice person except when I'm not or when I feel threatened.

Just last night I felt threatened. And this morning I am grateful to at the very least realize that my beliefs at tinted and I need help seeing what is truth in conversations and in events because my beliefs add certain levels of emotional pain when I encounter some of my loved ones. So the good thing is that I can realize thanks to my Higher Power that my core ideas are not healthy on all levels. I pray for change and surrendering.

And now I go one. Trying to live in my now and not my future or past.

-Thank you Jesus for loving me even today in my weaknesses.

P.S. The first lessons of A Course in Miracles may help me if I can remember to say twice a day, using objects within my field of vision that this or that ______does not mean anything....interesting now that I'm saying it in my mind. ...that note did not mean anything. Okay. I'm going to go on now in the Now.

From Marianne Williamson Day 13  "...I pray for forgiveness, that my heart might be free from shame and guilt...I pray for those who I may have hurt (I know I have hurt) and ask that they be healed of any pain I might have caused them. I vow to be a better person now..."

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