Saturday, November 11, 2017

For one present moment...I was found!

     This morning I was washed in the glory of awe. It was a lovely and emotionally moving experience, something I've not felt in a long enough of time that I can't recall when last I was awed. I intentionally chose to walk through the wooded path along the south side of BYU campus this morning. Currently, there's no water in the makeshift stream and several trees have dropped their leaves for the winter season and yet it was awe inspiring to be alive and experiencing human-ness as I absorbed the colors and textures of bushes, trees, and bits of greenery still clinging to plants. I removed my earbuds prior to entering the path so that I would be open to the possibility of birds. And indeed, the slate-colored junco's were chirping and singing their sweet songs of joy. It really was amazing, and I suddenly realized and acknowledged that this was awe-ness. I felt a shudder deep within my chest wall and a longing to cry for a moment as I was overcome with deep gratitude to be right there in a moment of deep love and absorption with nobody or anything blocking the experience. It was just me and nature alone and together at the same time. I was simply seeing and feeling joy. Willing to feel love for such an earth of gorgeous creation, I even extended gratitude for that anonymous someone's skills who help beautify such spots on the earth.
     I left the path only to find more to behold with my naked eyes. The sky was blue with a crisp cleanness in the air. The sun, just coming up over the mountains to the east of me. I looked northward to see the top of Mt. Timpanogos bathed in the snow that previously fell this week. I was even aware of chiaroscuro and tenebrism effects against the slopes of the mountains as I progressed towards the Lee library.
     I'm glad my day has started with a bit of a nature fix, with gratitude and thanks. Now I can read and prep for exams and research for the day.  Thank you Mother Earth for all you offer me to behold and to grow in awe of. I hope to be open to creating many more opportunities this winter.

Image result for byu south walking path
Something to look forward to when it snows.

Saturday, May 27, 2017

Prayer Before The Prayer

I want to be willing to forgive
But I dare not ask for the will to forgive
In case you give it to me
And I am not yet ready
I am not yet ready for my heart to soften
I am not yet ready to be vulnerable again
Not yet ready to see that there is humanity in my tormentor’s eyes
Or that the one who hurt me may also have cried
I am not yet ready for the journey
I am not yet interested in the path
I am at the prayer before the prayer of forgiveness
Grant me the will to want to forgive
Grant it to me not yet but soon
Can I even form the words
Forgive me?
Dare I even look?
Do I dare to see the hurt I have caused:
I can glimpse all the shattered pieces of that fragile thing
That soul trying to rise on the broken wings of hope
But only out of the corner of my eye
I am afraid of it
And if I am afraid to see
How can I not be afraid to say
Forgive me?
Is there a place where we can meet?
You and me
The place in the middle
Where we straddle the lines
Where you are right
And I am right too
And both of us are wrong and wronged
Can we meet there?
And look for the place where the path begins
The path that ends when we forgive.

From The Book of Forgiving: the Fourfold Path for Healing Ourselves and Our World
by Desmond Tutu and Mpho Tutu

Image : ‘Reconciliation’ by Josefina de Vasconcellos, 1977. The Old Cathedral, Coventry, England